Greetings to whom it may concern!
In a nutshell, my name is Hefseeba, I am a compassionate friend, a hardworking student, and a person who strives to be excellent. You can see me walking around the school halls, binder held in hand, hustling to my next class. Sometimes you may see me with my dorky glasses, sometimes you’ll see me flocked by my friends, but most times you’ll see me with a smile and an extra spring of happiness in my steps.
They say I came into this world with a slight smile on my face. I was the sweet bundle of joy that my parents had been eagerly waiting for. The moment I took my first breath, I was showered with kisses, with limitless love, and with the unspoken vow to uphold my precious soul in their hearts forever.
For the first four years of my life, I was with my grandparents. I would grasp my grandpa’s calloused hands as we walked under the palm trees which were planted beside the beautiful river. He would tell me stories, buy me candy, we were two best friends. The innocence of that age is almost heart wrenching. For everything I did and said was from the purity of my heart, oblivious to reality. Seeing everything through a telescope that focuses on the momentary flash of a beautiful shooting star, failing to see the cruelty of black holes. Sometimes I wonder, why can’t those shooting stars be the reality forever?
As the things I loved and the people I adored started vanishing into this black hole, I slowly began to realize that my world of happiness had limitations that cannot be surpassed. Child innocence vanishes, and I am forced to face the brutality of this world. The betrayal of people I had loved, the sensation of feeling lost in the solidity of my wandering heart, and searching for the blissful moments that had been lost along the way.
As I stepped into the age of adolescence, I feared that the black hole would engulf me as well. I feared that I may not be able to fight against the forces that were submitted to capture my dreams and make it into nothingness.
But I realized, I am not an ordinary girl. Fierce determination and inspired courage are embedded in the marrows of my bones. I am sparks of my potential, waiting patiently to be ignited.
I am a complicated, unfinished mosaic. Intricately crafted with pieces that contrast each other but surprisingly come together to create an unexplainable work of mastery. The missing pieces create a deep void within myself, fervently searching to be filled with the appropriate pieces.
I am a girl who captures the beautiful snippets of life with the lenses of my observant eyes. I treasure these moments in my heart, locking it up with the key of memories. I am a girl who refuses to dwell on the choked holds of this life rather reliving my cherished reminiscence.
I am a girl who solely depends on the everlasting love and grace of God to be redeemed from the bondages that tie me down to the constraints of this world. These bondages are unseen shackles around the wrists and the ankles, yanking me back from the light that I see ahead of me. But when a drop of the precious blood of Jesus mercifully fell upon me, these shackles were shattered, setting me free as a bird.
I am a girl that is not to be defined by the elegant structure of words, for words will never fully describe the complexity, beauty, and incomprehensible form of my personality.
For I have never been able to do to so.
With Love,
Hefseeba
Image Source for Header Image: https://www.chess.com/forum/view/general/great-christian-group
Image Source for Background Image: https://www.freecreatives.com/backgrounds/navy-blue-backgrounds.html
Dear Hefseeba,
First things first, I absolutely agree that you are a compassionate friend and would like to add that the kindness and respect you have to offer for others is limitless. I am not quite as sure whether to agree with the glasses part though! For your writing in general, I loved how you layered on the stories of your life to encompass an aspect of you and your history which have contributed to the development of the wonderful personality and individual you are. The way you incorporated the childhood innocence of your life through the connection of your heart strings with your grandparents I thought also added to the genuinity and “awwwness” of your writing. Another part of your work that I admire was the use of such specific and impactful vocabulary, which seemed to fit perfectly into your intended message and tone of what you were trying to convey. An example of this was the part where you said, “lost in the solidity of my wandering heart, and searching for the blissful moments,” because you used the choice of wording to specifically encapsulate the feelings after being awoken into reality after innocent childhoods.
As for improvement, I would suggest editing some parts of the spacing and alignment of your writing to improve the stylistic effect of your work. Perhaps changing parts of the second half of your writing after the childhood section to be centrally or right aligned may help to convey the story of your learning and transformation in perception regarding yourself and others a bit more. Especially between the parts where you wrote about how you have determination and courage in your bones, I would suggest changing the alignment of that part due to the change and impact of the tone you adopt.
Overall, I loved your writing and the way you explained how you have changed over the years, all adding up to your existing identity and personality. Also, the empowering outlook that you conveyed at the end added to the power of your presentation of yourself while at the same time giving everyone the opportunity to learn more about you in at least one way or another. I know I, for sure, will continue to read your work and see how you blossom as a writer and individual on your blog!
Yours truly,
Preet 🙂
PS: I loved seeing pictures of baby Hefseeba!
Dear Preet,
Thank you so much for commenting on here, really appreciate it! One of my main goals for this piece was to start from how I was before, the changes I’ve experienced, and the results of it on the person I am right now. I’m so happy I was able to communicate that on here! Also thanks for the feedback, I never thought about setting different alignments, but it really would enhance the writing. Once again thank you sooo much!!
Sincerely,
Hefseeba
Dear Hefseeba,
First I would like to acknowledge the fact that spending time with you in this class has helped me get to know you at a whole new level. From what I’ve learned about you this past month, I would say that you have managed to create this about me piece, which captures who you are very beautifully. I absolutely love how you’ve maintained a balance between the generalized idea and your specific events throughout this piece.
For improvement, I would like to suggest switching the style of writing about halfway through because I feel as though it would be more effective in the point you’re trying to get across. I feel if from paragraph 8 you gave your work a poetic style, it would be appealing. Also, because that’s where your voice transitions into more of the present world.
Altogether, I loved reading your piece, especially because I fail to get my point across in casual paragraphs and for that I admire your work. I also love how you combined your actual pictures to create a collage, it just added a bonus to the whole reality of it.
Love, Zohra.
Dear Zohra,
Thank you for commenting! Being in class with you have also helped me to get to know you better, and I would like to say thank you for giving me support and advice even during class, they have been very helpful! As for you feedback, that’s a brilliant idea, I did feel as if I was breaking flow when I went from past to present, changing into poetic style may help with that. However, do you think it would cause an abrupt disruption if I change from causal paragraph to poetic style?
Once again, thank you so much for commenting, really really appreciate it!
Sincerely,
Hefseeba